Creepshow Fiets

Did you ever see Creepshow? And the short in it called "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill" with Stephen King as the title character Jordy Verrill?

Well, see that movie once and that segment will stick with you.  Stephen King plays this hillbilly country bumpkin who sees a meteorite crash by his house.  He goes to check it out (as you would do), but then goes and takes that shit home, which you absolutely at all costs would NOT do (especially not after seeing this film).

To make a long story short, the meteorite starts to sprout this green moss that covers everything- the house, the yard, the porch- and Stephen King himself.  It is itchy and he can't get rid of it, until eventually he is covered nearly head to toe and can't move, so he shoots himself.

Boom.

Sorry for that spoiler (oops), but you should still watch it!  Here's a tiny glimpse of Stephen King playing the part of a country bumpkin....a role I don't think he had to stretch too far for, in my humblest of opinionated opinions. (And I know you agree with me.)

Getting to the point of this post, I saw this bike and of course immediately thought of that very same Creepshow segment, only in ORANGE.  Somewhere nearby Amsterdam, a meteorite slammed into the ground, and this fool of a lady picked that shit up, put it in her bike basket, and cycled that shit home.

OH NO SHE DIDN'T.

Oh yes.  Oh yes, she did.

I wanted to warn the bike owner NEVER TO TOUCH IT at all costs and especially NOT TO ADD WATER (because that makes it spread faster), but she wasn't around, so instead I took a photo with my camera and ran.

I wish her all the best, and will gladly lend her my shotgun if she needs it.

Clomp Fiets

Look!  It's a bird!  It's a plane!  No, it's a.....clog?

Yes, it is.  A clog fiets.

Bedazzled Fiets

"Don't be dull, be dazzling!"

When I was little (about 11 years old), I fell for this infomercial on TV and begged my mom for a BeDazzler for Christmas, or my birthday, or whatever holiday was coming up.

I wanted that BeDazzler. I needed that BeDazzler. Think of all of the THINGS that could be DAZZLED!

I got it, and spent a few weeks bedazzling the shit out of everything in sight, thus effectively ruining all of my shirts, jeans, socks, and bags.

I eventually ran out of the "jewels" and forgot about the bedazzling fad, until....The BeDazzled Fiets!

Looks like someone's not ready to let go of the BeDazzler just yet!

I wonder if they also have a FlowBee haircut, or a Life Alert necklace.

Neon Pink Fiets

This photo doesn't even do this bike justice! (Damn you, Android.) This bike was way brighter than this.

The pink of this bike was so electric neon pink that it made the 80's child in me stop and shriek. I expected the owner of the bike to be wearing some mean-looking shoulder pads, or at least stirrup pants, but no. She looked very much 2011.

You-Can-Ring-My-Bell Fiets

Unbeknownst to me, while I stopped to take this photo, the bike owner was standing two feet away from me.

My ninja skills, they're not so stealthy lately.

Anyway, he told me that he actually had two more bells on the bike, but they had fallen off or were stolen.

So that leaves just a measley nine bells (including the fish) with which to blast through tourists who are walking on the bike lane.

Pppfff. As if that's going to move them. They just. don't. get it.

PsycadeliFiets

Whoa acid trip.

I've seen the owner of this bike. His hair matches his bike. No lie.

My Garden Groweth Over Fiets

Flower-happy people everywhere. Fuckin' hippies.