Creepshow Fiets

Did you ever see Creepshow? And the short in it called "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill" with Stephen King as the title character Jordy Verrill?

Well, see that movie once and that segment will stick with you.  Stephen King plays this hillbilly country bumpkin who sees a meteorite crash by his house.  He goes to check it out (as you would do), but then goes and takes that shit home, which you absolutely at all costs would NOT do (especially not after seeing this film).

To make a long story short, the meteorite starts to sprout this green moss that covers everything- the house, the yard, the porch- and Stephen King himself.  It is itchy and he can't get rid of it, until eventually he is covered nearly head to toe and can't move, so he shoots himself.

Boom.

Sorry for that spoiler (oops), but you should still watch it!  Here's a tiny glimpse of Stephen King playing the part of a country bumpkin....a role I don't think he had to stretch too far for, in my humblest of opinionated opinions. (And I know you agree with me.)

Getting to the point of this post, I saw this bike and of course immediately thought of that very same Creepshow segment, only in ORANGE.  Somewhere nearby Amsterdam, a meteorite slammed into the ground, and this fool of a lady picked that shit up, put it in her bike basket, and cycled that shit home.

OH NO SHE DIDN'T.

Oh yes.  Oh yes, she did.

I wanted to warn the bike owner NEVER TO TOUCH IT at all costs and especially NOT TO ADD WATER (because that makes it spread faster), but she wasn't around, so instead I took a photo with my camera and ran.

I wish her all the best, and will gladly lend her my shotgun if she needs it.

Bedazzled Fiets

"Don't be dull, be dazzling!"

When I was little (about 11 years old), I fell for this infomercial on TV and begged my mom for a BeDazzler for Christmas, or my birthday, or whatever holiday was coming up.

I wanted that BeDazzler. I needed that BeDazzler. Think of all of the THINGS that could be DAZZLED!

I got it, and spent a few weeks bedazzling the shit out of everything in sight, thus effectively ruining all of my shirts, jeans, socks, and bags.

I eventually ran out of the "jewels" and forgot about the bedazzling fad, until....The BeDazzled Fiets!

Looks like someone's not ready to let go of the BeDazzler just yet!

I wonder if they also have a FlowBee haircut, or a Life Alert necklace.

You-Can-Ring-My-Bell Fiets

Unbeknownst to me, while I stopped to take this photo, the bike owner was standing two feet away from me.

My ninja skills, they're not so stealthy lately.

Anyway, he told me that he actually had two more bells on the bike, but they had fallen off or were stolen.

So that leaves just a measley nine bells (including the fish) with which to blast through tourists who are walking on the bike lane.

Pppfff. As if that's going to move them. They just. don't. get it.

My Garden Groweth Over Fiets

Flower-happy people everywhere. Fuckin' hippies.

WTF Fiets

Back after a long hiatus to bring you.......drumroll please....

CLUSTER FUCK FIETS!


Hereby named because they don't seem to want to pick just one theme.

"Shall we go with the plastic flowers? How about some fake grass? Some sparkly stickers? How about some Kitsch Kitchen seat covers. Yeah...and maybe some stringy bits. And here, why not throw on this ugly drab bag that doesn't match ANYTHING! Sure, why not. Throw'er all on there, boss!"

Mardi Gras Fiets

I was tempted to flash my boobies at this bike in exchange for those beads, but I restrained myself.

Just barely.

And just check out that hot sticker action on the back pannier!

Monkey Lectric!!!!

OMG WANT!!!!! WANT WANT WANT!!!!

The Hunt for Red Bicycle

Sure you think you've seen it all with Dutch bikes, but have you seen the SUBMARINE BIKE?

Or...the SUBMACYCLE?

SUBCYCLE?

Give me awhile I'll come up with a clever name for this:

Poison Fiets

Looks normal right?

But then! You look closer and see.....skulls and crossbones! Everywhere!


This bike will POISON YOUR SOUL!

Badass.

Flower Fietses (that's plural for Fiets!)

I got off the tram today at my stop and saw this bike across the street, kitted out with flowers around the handle bars and a tiny flower garden on the back seat.

And then, to top it off, I crossed to the other side of the street where this little beauty was waiting for me.


I smell a (floral) pattern here.

Wilde-fiets

Raarrrrrr.

Pretty Pink Flower Garden Fiets

This is the same style bike I have- an omafiets (granny bike) with basket and everything, but I have yet to decorate my basket. Everytime I see it I wonder if the flowers get stolen from them a lot. Is that negative thinking?